Saturday, May 24, 2014

Confrontation

Sometimes, I read something that forces me to confront my views, my perspective, my mindset.
http://www.themilitantbaker.com/2013/09/rape-is-rape-is-rape.html

That blog entry is it for today (or at least I hope it is the only it). It is healing to hear the positive love coming from survivors. I heal a little more when I can positively contribute to someone else. I heal a little more reading about strength and power and empowerment in the face of a difficult, damaging situation.

I haven't commented too much on my own rape. I was raped in 2012 during my service as a Peace Corps Volunteer while on vacation outside of my village. I don't tell everyone. I "came out" as a survivor about 6 months after coming home. I was heartbroken to leave my village, my little Lyzinet and Neutoni. I still am heartbroken that I am not in my other home.

I struggled after coming home. Peace Corps provided counseling for as long as I needed. I didn't realize that once I "resettled" and found a good job and got into a rhythm and routine that my trauma would resurface. But it did. I gained about 80 pounds and looked to food as a source of stuffing that trauma into a hole. It didn't work and my family and boyfriend confronted me separately. I hit my bottom and had to search for a flashlight. Counseling is that flashlight I am using to climb back out. The higher I get, the healthier I feel. I will stand on firm ground again. I will advocate and counsel and love on those who are dealing with circumstances like (or unlike) my own, or just people in general. I will support and love.

I am strong. I am brave. I will conquer (or I should say, I am conquering)!