Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Honesty is the best, and scariest, at times, policy.

Hello Blog World and Blog Readers (who may or may not read this regularly),
I am gonna get some honesty going. There is a stigma in my mind behind admitting things particularly about weight and sex. So this is my corner of the blogosphere to get this out and admit it. It feels very public to me.

I have an eating disorder. I am overweight.
I said it. I am a chronic, compulsive binger and I can't control it. I have many issues with food, and the biggest one is that I am a secret, shameful, compulsive binger. I am coming out and admitting it because that is the first step to getting better, to coming to terms with my food problems and learning to love food again in a pure sense, rather than a shameful, guilty pleasure.

I emotional eat. It is a huge part of why I am overweight - I don't deal with stress or anxiety. I eat instead. And I feel a lot of stress and anxiety. Instead of finding healthy outlets, I binge on candy or cookies (or just the dough too) or pasta. I am anxiety ridden and I can't let go because I eat my feelings instead (hello, mean girls).

My heart is terrified to push publish. My fingers are honestly trembling and my eyes are watering. This is a major fear and a major step for me.

Here's to a new me, one baby step at a time.